When I was 13 years old my brother decided to dispense some of the wisdom he had gained in his 20 years of life. He told me ‘no one will ever care about you as much as you do’.

I was surprised by this statement, and it indeed stuck with me. Many years later he returned wanting to amend his wisdom; ‘no one cares about you as much as you do, but the one person that does; marry them.’

I understood that his intentions were good, and he wanted to pass on a lesson he had learnt but recently, 15 years later, I’m recognising the impact this had on my young, influential mind and the meaning that it held within my subconscious.

My subconscious interpreted this as he didn’t care about me as much as he cared about himself. That my family didn’t care about me, not as much as they cared about themselves. This new belief continued to get validated as I felt the betrayal and lack of care from many of my family members.

I had trouble with my own self-esteem through my teenage years and into my early 20’s and the way this “wisdom” had instilled itself in my subconscious, I thought if no one cares about me as much as I do and I wasn’t sure how much I cared about myself anymore, then everyone else must think even less of me.

I share this experience because even though my brother thought he was helping by passing on a “lesson” that made things make sense for him, that clearly helped him in some way, it broke my world down. It’s stayed with me for 15 years, a constant reminder that I wasn’t worth his or anyone’s full care, that no one would go out of their way for my sake. That if I didn’t give myself all my care, then no one would be there to help me through it so I stopped showing people when I was truly struggling.

I never realised how ingrained this way of thinking was. I didn’t know how it had impacted the way I viewed others; how I distanced myself from friends and the belief got reinforced with every heartbreak, every betrayal, every hurt and every indifference.

In many cases, we don’t realise the impacts of something so seemingly small, words that were spoken in good intention and covered in the illusion of helping can become a detrimental way of thinking about life, oneself and others. It becomes part of how we are in the world.

In my case, I never let people get too close, always predicting that they would leave me, sabotaging friendships and relationships before I could get hurt by people I thought didn’t actually care about me.

Looking at it now, it’s sad to think that my brother’s experiences in life had brought him to the conclusion that no one truly cared about him and only he could help himself. To this day, he will never allow himself to be inconvenienced but will inconvenience. He will ensure benefit to himself before questioning the benefit to another. In all of his actions, he displays that he cares more about himself than others, and I feel that includes me because he told me and acts as much.

His belief became my belief but I choose not to live in the way he has chosen. It’s not how I want to think and feel and it’s not a belief I want to hold about the world now. I believe people are inherently kind and there is more than one person in this world that cares about me as much as I care about myself, sometimes more than I do.

Friends inspire and encourage, listening to concerns and wanting better for you than you might think you deserve. Doctors and nurses strive to save and care for people on their self-induced deathbed. People’s level of self-worth drops so low that the only way out is to see that people care about them truly and genuinely enough to stay.

I chose a career and business that allows me to help others because I care. I want to help guide others to gain the confidence be true to themselves, to distinguish their beliefs from those they’ve been carrying from others to achieve personal freedom. I want to help others because I know what’s it’s like to feel alone. I know how it feels to think no one understands or truly cares to know but I’m here to tell you that they do, that I do.

Please reach out if you need help 💕